five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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