i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
