somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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