I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
