Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
