Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
