I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
