Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
