...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
