Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
