Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
