even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
