But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
