I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
