No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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