Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
