she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
