Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
this is an emotional support booty call
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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