"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
