1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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