I want to have your abortion
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
