Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
