Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
