i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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