He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
