Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
