i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
