Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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