I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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