Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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