i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Randomize
