I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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