I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
