I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
