it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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