i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
