You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
