this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
