Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
