so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sorry about my life...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
