You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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