I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
