I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
