I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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