Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
