Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i just google imaged poop.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
