JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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