I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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