Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
