We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
